Say Your Prayers...

I love my dad who turned 88 this year. He is a great guy, a retired minister. He has always been pleasant, an encourager and as corny as they may be, a joker, or a punner, as in one who likes to tell puns. I remember in college bringing a girlfriend of mine home during the Easter season and my dad picked up a chocolate covered marshmallow bunny, held it up in front of his mouth and said, “Say your prayers bunny, you are about to enter the ministry.” My friend got the biggest kick out of that.

Another thing about my dad is that he loves God with all his heart. He wrote me the sweetest e-mail yesterday and I really hope he doesn’t mind if I share it.

Dear Pam,

Read your latest email yesterday. Well, it looks to me that “the one last lymph node that’s kept you in stitches, has been replaced by skin that itches.”

Thanks for updating all of us as to your condition. I know that all your family and many of your friends have been interceding to the Lord on your behalf. It seems to me that for some reason or another you have been tossed into the fiery furnace. This experience was uninvited and something that you wished no one else would go through. However, no one else will experience the company of the Divine Son of God in the way that it is now transpiring in your life. Praise the Lord, deliverance from the furnace will come even though the fire continues to rage. I am sure that you will be like one of the three Hebrew children coming out of the furnace and being able to say that in the midst of the fire, the Son of God appeared.

I am not a prophet, nor a divine being, but I am an ardent follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. I believe with all my heart that the purposes of God are accomplished in our life through circumstances over which we have no control. God’s purposes bring glory, honor, praise to his son Jesus, victory, happiness, comfort, strength, power, might and happiness to us, his children.

Somewhere, and somehow – either now or in the future – we will be able to appreciate the fortunate joyful outcomes of our present tribulations and trials.

If I were a millionaire, I would share with you my wealth -- to the limits of my possessions-- for your healing.

If I were an eloquent speaker, I would preach to the limits of my ability, if it would bring you healing. Your healing is the present need.

If I were a successful businessman who could maneuver, manage, and bring about success, I would devote these abilities to bring about your healing.

If I were a successful track star, football player, or home run hitter, I would avail myself of those talents for victory for you.

But as you can see, I am just a person redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ, loved by God the father and his son, empowered by his Holy Spirit, inspired by his Word to trust God to meet every need I have.

Please let this letter be a means of encouragement only, and not an exhortation, great doctrinal presentation, or a ritualistic type of instructions.

My prayer for you is simply this:

 “DEAR LORD, HEAL MY DAUGHTER.”

My Dad & Me on the Saturday after my surgery.

Yea, that made me cry.  I am blessed to have a dad like mine!

On a side note - I went to the doc today to have fluid drained.  I'll probably have to do that twice a week for a few weeks.  Feelin' pretty good - a little tired, but that just might have something to do with my age!  I did have another birthday you know!


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Another Follow-Up

                                                                            
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Yesterday I got my stitches out!  Yeah!  (And by the way, there were 15.)  Also, I got rid of that drain tube and bottle.  I was so tired of that thing!  I'll go back on Friday to have any fluid that might still collect in the incision area taken out with a needle.  The soreness under my arm is from nerves that were cut. The doctor said that feeling should go away after a while.  He said I'm healing well.  I couldn't get my pathology report because the computers were down, but Dr G. did say that a 1 cm tumor was found in the one lymph node that had cancer.  That doesn't sound real good.  The treatment will be determined by the oncologist, who should be contacting me soon.

I feel pretty good, still a bit sore.  My arm is limited somewhat, but the doctor didn't put any restrictions on me.  I do my finger climbing wall exercises to help my arm move the best it can.

I think I'll go to church Sunday!  It's Easter!  I'll be lopsided, but I'll wear a scarf -- Scarves are my new best friend!

Follow-up

Tuesday I had a follow-up doctor's appointment.  It had been 6 days since my surgery.  I wasn't sure if the appointment was to check on my incision or for the pathology report.

The last couple of days I have been sore, not in excruciating pain, but noticeable pain.   I have about a 7-8 inch incision starting from the middle of my chest, where the top of the breast would be, that goes to my left, under my arm.  (Imagine a kind of Frankensteinish looking scare with all the stitches, as well as staples.)  Where it ends on my side is numb, about a 3 inch area.  I feel a tightening around the incision that makes me uncomfortable.  The underpart of my arm from my armpit, almost to my elbow, is tender to the touch; I think from lymph nodes being removed, but I'm not sure.  I have a tube that was inserted in my skin about an inch down from the incision on my left.  On the other end of the 2 foot or so of tubing, is a plastic bulb that collects drainage from the site.  I pin this to my shirt.  I have to empty it a few times a day and record the amount collected.  When it gets low enough, the doctor will take it out.

Back to the doctor's appointment--
I had this follow-up appointment on the books since the same time that the surgery was scheduled, and confirmed it on Friday. Wouldn't you know it, when I went for my appointment they didn't have it on the schedule; they said maybe it got dropped when someone was checking on it and didn't click on save. You know how these computers are! .....Well, they squeezed me in.

The doctor checked the incision, said it was healing well, and removed the 12 or so staples that helped hold it together.

He started telling me about the pathology report.  He said there was 17 lymph nodes removed and.....one came back with cancer.  I had hoped for NONE with cancer, but I guess the outcome could have been worse.

The appointment was short (being it wasn't planned!).  I didn't ask a lot of questions.  I guess it kind a threw me again.  I should be prepared for these things.  He showed me exercises I should be doing with my arm to gain mobility --sort of putting my arm perpendicular to the wall and climbing up it with my fingers. He did say he wanted to see me in a week to remove the 12 or whatever stitches that are still there. I'll write down my questions this time. 

Side note-- 
Matt went back to Waxahachie on Sunday.  Another 6 weeks and he graduates (May 3rd)!  Yea!  My goal is to make it to his graduation. The doc says it takes 6-8 weeks to heal before the start of chemo, so hopefully this will all work out before I loose my hair!

Scott and Jan flew out early Monday morning.  I'm usually the one who takes Scott to the airport at 4:30 Monday morning, but this week Jan could. (She had rented a car.)  She was flying back to Ecuador after being here for a week.  Thank you, Jan, love you!

My sister Jan

My sister, Bev, came from Santa Cruz and stayed Tuesday and Wednesday.  She took me to my appointment and helped me with some errands.  Love you sis!

Zach and Auntie Bev

Day of My Mastectomy

March 13, 2013

I came out of surgery at 9:15am.  Went to my room at 10:15.  Scott and Jan were waiting for me there.  I was awake and I think alert.  I was in a little bit of pain when I first came out of anesthesia,  but in good spirits.

The whole day was a little foggy for me.  I felt good, but I remember asking the same questions over and over again and I didn't remember the answer. I took my camera to the hospital to document my day in picture (which I did).  I didn't get much sleep. I could only eat or drink liquids.  I remember that my nose was really itchy and I kept scratching it till it was red and raw.  I think I must have had a reaction to the Dilaudid I was taking for pain.

Jan stayed till 6pm.  About the time she left, I started feeling nauseated.  The nurse put some anti-nausea medicine in my IV and it made me feel better almost instantly.  After that I didn't take anymore Dilaudid but I still took Norco.  Scott left about 7:30pm.  I wanted to get some sleep, but could only sleep a few hours at a time throughout the night.

My day had started at 4am when I got up, bathed, and washed my hair.  I was suppose to get to the hospital at 5:15, but think I was 10 minutes late.  That really didn't matter cause everyone else who had surgery at that time was there also, so I didn't get checked in til about 6 o'clock.

The nurse finally took me to the pre-op area.  I changed clothes. She noted my high blood pressure and proceeded to put in an IV. She also liked to talk alot and for some reason, my husband rolled his eyes whenever she turned away from him. (Can't imagine why.) First she tried to get the IV in my hand, and it didn't work out.  She kept saying, "Oh you have valves!" (whatever that means),  Then she tried on my inside forearm and again mentioned "the valves."  I think as a last resort she got out some sort of light gun and shined it on my arm and again mentioned valves.  (Apparently I have valves! Doesn't everybody?)  But anyway, she stuck me for the third time in the bend of the arm where she really didn't want to put it.  I didn't care.  I was tired of being stuck!  In between these IV attempts,  I had met with the surgeon, anesthesiologist and surgical nurse, who was sort of a no nonsense type and said to make sure I had said all my goodbyes and gave all my kisses because when she came back to get me she wanted to roll!

Bob and Lenora (some of my pastors) were waiting to see me before surgery, but were kept out till the nurse was finished with the IV.  Scott went to get them.  They came just in time to see me in my surgical cap  (not my best look).  We exchanged a few words, they gave me a present, and we prayed.  Shortly after that I was whisked away for surgery, somewhere around 7:15am.  Next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room.

A picture is worth a thousand words!

As the saying goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words." So here are several thousand! Here is my day of surgery in pictures!

March 13, 2013

In pre-op about 6:15 a.m.

In pre-op with my adorable head covering!  Ain't I beautiful!

In my room about an hour and a half after surgery.

My sister Jan by my side

My Birthday lunch!  Umm!  beef broth!

Birthday Lunch Menu

My friend Lorri

My poor arm, stuck like a pin cushion!  The nurse poked me three times,
once on top of my hand and twice on my forearm.

Aw, my three boys!  They came to check on their mama!

My friend Shelley

Yummy Birthday Dinner!  This meal was more substantial than lunch.  I got to have cream of chicken soup!

Birthday Dinner Menu

My leg warmers!  (They help with circulation during surgery.)

I think I had a bad reaction to some medication.  My nose itched so much that I scratched it raw.

Flowers from Scott and the boys

My friend Kim
(Ready to leave the hospital.)

My husband, Scott

It's Over!

Maybe I'll write more about surgery tomorrow, but just a quick note to say surgery went well.  I feel good.

Here I am leaving the hospital today with a big smile on my face! 

(Don't forget to read the 2 additional posts that I added to My Journey-the beginning: "Oh Christmas Tree!" and "Stereotactic Biopsy.")

The Last Time

It’s the night before I have my surgery. I have to be at the hospital at 5:15am. I’m tired right now, but I was anxious earlier. It was a pretty normal day. I drove the carpool for Josh and his 2 friends. I did some laundry. I went to Winco.

This past week when I’ve done certain things, the thought has crossed my mind that this is the last time I will do these things before surgery-- The last time I will go to church before my surgery or this is the last Monday that I will take my walk before surgery or this is my last trip to the grocery store before my surgery.

But it is more than doing whatever it is for he last time before surgery. Its realizing that it is the last time I'm doing it with all my body parts. When I look down at myself tomorrow a part of me will be gone. That’s a hard thing to think about and accept.

I’m oddly calm at the moment. I think people must be praying. Everyone has been so kind. I’ve had texts and messages and emails and calls and cards and presents. Thanks you all. We need each other!

The Countdown!

The countdown is on---I have surgery one week from today.  I'm
a little scared.  I'm a little anxious.  I'm a little nervous.  Prior to my surgical biopsy, I  have never had surgery.....and that was just a couple hours in a surgery center as an outpatient. This is the real deal.

Most of the time I'm at peace.  At least when I'm doing something like having lunch with a friend or going grocery shopping or doing cameras at church.  But its the other times when my mind goes to that place--that place of apprehension and fear.  The times when its just me, when I'm doing dishes or folding clothes.  That's why I love
to listen to Christian music and fill my mind with hope and encouragement.  There are so many songs that have blessed me.

And then nighttime is the worst.  Why is it that things always seem scarier in the middle of the night?  I might wake up anxious, or fitful, unable to go back to sleep.

I believe in God's Word.  I believe He loves us and cares for us.  I believe in His promises.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;

he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

I command you -- be strong and courageous!

Do not be afraid or discouraged.

For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. 

Joshua 1:9

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4

I know I'm not alone!  God is with me, and others.

My sister, Jan, is coming back from Ecuador to be with me for a week.  I love her so much, as I do all my sisters. My husband, Scott, will be here, as he has been with me through much of this process.
I love you! I have other family and friends who are right by my side! Thank You!  I'm gonna make it!