Christmas 2012

(Posted May 1, 2013)

This Christmas season has a whole different feeling than any other.  I have tried to proceed with life as usual, but the possibility that I might have cancer is weighing heavy on my mind.  I can't help but think of my mom and how cancer cut her life short.  I miss her so much.  I am trying to be strong.  I don't want to fall apart in front of my husband or children.  I've cried. I've prayed.  I try to stop myself from thinking the worst.  I try to take one day at a time-- one step at a time, while doing all the things that are part of life.

Saturday-12/22, we went to our extended family Christmas in Santa Cruz at my sister & brother-in-law's, Bev and Jim's, house.  We had a lovely dinner of prime rib and all the things that go with a Christmas dinner. Scott has traveled so much for so long that he wanted to stay home, so it was just me and the boys.

Sunday-12/23, I helped with Christmas on Destiny.

Yesterday-12/24, I finished up my Christmas shopping, bought groceries for Christmas dinner, and then barely made it in time for Christmas Eve service, meeting the family at church.

Today is Christmas!  We opened presents this morning, made waffles in the new waffle maker and Scott started smoking the turkey that we ate for Christmas dinner this evening.

I am trying to think positively and depend on God.  God is my strength.  I know He will get me through this.

   

Christmas 2012 Santa Cruz

 (Written 03/23/13)

Biopsy Results are Inconclusive!

(Posted on April 22, 2013)

I thought I would get my biopsy results on Monday, but didn't. Then
I thought for sure on Tuesday...but didn't!  Finally, Wednesday afternoon, my gynecologist called with my results. That was after I called her office to find out if they had received them. Doctors don't mind keeping you waiting!  Well, the good news is, she didn't say it was cancer!  But she couldn't rule out cancer either.  She said they found some abnormal cells, but basically the results were inconclusive. I thought that was the whole point of having a biopsy!--to find out if you have cancer or not!

So now I need to see a general surgeon.  I need more in depth testing.  My appointment for a consult is a week from today.  There's nothing I can do, but wait.  I'm going to try and put this out of my mind until after Christmas.

In the mean time -- I finally dragged myself out of the house yesterday and did some shopping.  Fortunately, my kids have been great and haven't asked for much.  I'm also helping at my church's outdoor Christmas light show (Christmas on Destiny Drive), 2 of the 4 nights it is presented.  My extended family Christmas celebration is tomorrow in Santa Cruz.  And then there is regular ol' Christmas on Tuesday!  Life goes on!

Christmas on Destiny Drive

Written on 03/17/2013

Stereotactic Biopsy

(Posted on March 14, 2013)

Today I had a stereotactic biopsy.  If my friend, Lori, wouldn't have told me what to expect, I would have been totally surprised. The experience was a little out of the ordinary and mildly amusing to me, despite the possibility of cancer.

My faithful husband came with me to this appointment.  He listened to the radiologist in her office as she told us about the procedure and what was going to happen.  He asked her why it was called a stereotactic biopsy. She said because 2 (as in stereo) pictures will be taken, one on either side of the area where the needle will be placed.  The mammogram takes the pictures.

After the consult, Scott went out to the waiting area and sat, reading his Nook.  I went to the room where the biopsy was to be done.

First of all, I lay face down on a table with a hole cut out for both breasts to hang through.  Then the table was raised up a bit and the doctor sat next to the table while working under it. Next, a mammogram machine was attached to my breast under the table. (And it was securely clamped on there, believe me!)  Once the questionable area was found by using the mammogram x-rays, and after applying lanocaine, the doctor shot a hollow-core needle into my breast and took out a tissue sample.  Simple, huh?!

Although there was some maneuvering, and repositioning  and clamping, it wasn't too bad.  I just had to stay perfectly still for about 20 minutes. Afterwards, the nurse gave me an ice-pack to reduce any swelling and then wrapped me up with a pink ace bandage.

I won't find out the results of the biopsy until Monday or Tuesday.
I think its gonna be a long weekend!

Written 03/08/2013

Oh Christmas Tree!

(Posted on March 14, 2013)

I have been a little preoccupied this week. My biopsy is tomorrow, but there are some things that can't be overlooked--- like picking out a Christmas tree!  Every year since we've lived in Rocklin, we've put up two trees at Christmas time-one fake, one real. Usually we venture out to a local lot, wear our Santa hats, find a suitable tree and tie it to the roof of our car. This year was no exception! The boys usually decorate the real tree. Matt puts the lights on it and Zach and Josh hang the ornaments. I wanted to get it done by tonight because I don't know how I'll feel after the biopsy tomorrow.

The whole tree getting excursion has always been a fun tradition in our family, especially when we lived in Scotts Valley. We would drive up to the Santa Cruz mountains on a cold Saturday or Sunday afternoon, search through the hundreds (or thousands) of live trees, and find just the perfect one. Scott would cut it down and we'd bring it home. Its a little different in Rocklin.  One year we went to Apple Hill, expecting to have the same experience we had in the Santa Cruz mountains, but it just wasn't the same.  The trees weren't nearly as nice or plentiful; however, my kids got quite a laugh at their mother (me) as I slid down a hill on my bottom, in the mud, in the rain.  The apple donuts we ate were delicious!.......We never got a tree from Apple Hill again!

Written 03/08/2013

Disturbing News

(As written on February 25, 2013)

I should be happy!  My son and husband are both coming home today!  Matt's coming home from college in Texas for Christmas break, and Scott is coming home from his business trip to Florida. As a matter of fact, they were both able to catch the same flight in Dallas.

I've been trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but its been hard.  I still haven't bought any presents!  There is a fake tree up in the living room, but I wanted to do so much more!  When Matt's home this week, we'll go get our real tree for the family room.

I knew Scott was seeing his aunt and cousins yesterday in Florida and I didn't want to worry him, but I wanted to tell him what was happening with me.  Last night I finally texted him and asked him to call when he was done visiting.  He said he had just left his aunt's and was driving back to his hotel, about an hour away.  And then he called.  I told him about the mammograms and everything, and he started crying!  Then I started crying!  I said I better hang up so he didn't have a wreck. He could call me later when he got back to the hotel.  (Note to self--Don't tell your husband disturbing news while he is driving!)

He called me 2 1/2 hours later.  He said he missed his exit and got lost.

I Need a Biopsy

(As written on February 25, 2013)

I went in for my followup mammogram and ultrasound today.  After the technician took the images, she went out of the room to show the doctor. The radiologist wanted to come have a look for himself.  He said there was definitely something in my breast that needs further testing and I need a biopsy- a biopsy!  I could feel my eyes filling with tears.

I haven't mentioned any of this to Scott yet because he is out of town. When he went to Florida this week he took a couple extra days at both ends of the trip to visit his good friend, Tom and his Aunt Thelma. I think I'll wait until after his trip to talk to him.

I'm starting to get a little worried now...

Retake!

(As written on February 25, 2013)

Someone from the imaging center called me this morning and said they saw something abnormal on my mammogram and want me to come back for a follow up mammogram and ultrasound.  I was stunned!  I've had mammograms almost every year for nearly 15 years and this is the first year I've ever been called back. 

My appointment is Friday.  Scott is away for a week of training in Florida.  I called my nurse sister, Anita, the one in our family who is always consulted when there is a medical concern.  She said women often get called back for a retake and that most of the time it is nothing of concern.  That made me feel better!

Don't Forget your Mammogram!

(As written on February 25, 2013)

This is the beginning of my journey. It is what this blog is all about. I realize there is more to life than any one particular event, but there are some events in life that take precedent over all the others. For me, for now, this is a defining moment in time. I hope ...and pray ...that some day, my breast cancer is not going to be my consuming thought. 

This is where is all began---

Dec 3, 2012

Last week, my son Zach mentioned he needed some new contacts. When he said that, it reminded me that I hadn't made my mammogram appointment for the year. I had my annual exam in September, but you know how it is when you have your annual exam and your gynecologist fills out the paper work for a mammogram, hands it to you, and then you bring it home and set it aside! (Or at least that's what I did.) I was able to make both of our appointments for this week. Mine was for today and Zach's is tomorrow.

When I checked in at the imaging center, the receptionist told me they were running 45 minutes behind, so I went to my car and called a friend just to pass some time. When it was finally my turn, it was at least an hour past my scheduled appointment time.

I've had mammograms for many years and they never really bothered me before. Today, it was different though. The machine really squished me! I had never felt like I was unduly squished before! The tech told me it was a new 3D mammogram machine, so maybe that explains it! I don't know. I'm just doing what I'm suppose to do!